Dad's Lesson Rediscovered

Last weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada and I spent it back in Vancouver visiting with family. Primarily though, I was there to see my Dad who is currently in the hospital during the last phase of his life. It's difficult to write that without getting emotional but it's something our family must understand and accept.

Whenever I'm in Vancouver, I also visit the gravesite of my wife Shahinool and so the emotions were naturally amplified. However, visiting with Shahinool and remembering our history strengthens me for everything I need to focus on with respect to Dad. As a family we learned how to make the most of limited time with someone you love deeply.

My father is now at that point in the cycle of life that brings us back to the beginning. Like a child, he needs daily care around nutrition, personal hygiene, comfort and safety. My sister Nevin lovingly makes sure that everything is as comfortable and as much like home as possible. He remains sharp, witty and charming, as evidenced by the warm smiles he gets from everyone else on the hospital ward. For me, spending time with him in that setting was a mixture of seeing the vital man I've known and loved all my life and observing an aged man who seems so fragile.

Part of that fragility is the weight he has lost as his body weakened. About six months ago, when this weight loss first became quite apparent, none of his old clothes were fitting anymore. When I saw him at that time, being who I am, I wanted to do something to help. I went out and bought new clothes for him: shirts, pants, socks and underwear. I wanted him to still feel as good about himself as possible.

He thanked me of course as I bundled up his old stuff to be given away and put his new clothes in his drawers. The next day, I discovered all the old clothes were back. He'd retrieved them and instead of the old clothes, all the new ones were bundled up next to the door.

"I don't need these," he said. I said "Dad, I got these for you so you'd have nice clothes." Then he looked me in the eye and simply said "Imtiaz, son, I am blessed. I don't need any more. I have everything already. Please, give them to someone who truly needs them," and he patted my hand in a fatherly way. So there I was, at this stage in my life, and my father is still sharing his lessons with me so I can rediscover them.

As he taught me, both in words and by example, the first thing we must do each day is to be thankful for what we have. We must center our sense of fulfillment on the blessings that have already come to us. I think that's a good way of living in every stage of life. If we begin each day with "I have everything already," we can be happy in the pursuit of any other goal; we're adding to life rather than simply trying to fill up some void in ourselves.

Last weekend, in spite of the circumstances, I was able to truly enjoy the time I spent with my Dad and add to my wonderful relationship with him because of this lesson. Each day begins with your blessings and then you can love the choices you have to move forward from there. This really is the essence of our humanity.