What Dentists Can Learn From This Timeless Relationship Advice

“It’s not about me versus you. It’s us versus the problem.”

This has always been good advice for couples who want to take an effective, productive approach to resolving issues that arise in a relationship. It’s a mindset that gets people to move beyond their defensive postures and petty gripes and create a workable solution—together.

It’s not just good relationship advice; it’s also good advice for dentists to keep in mind when they present treatment to patients—which, after all, is all about the relationship, too. 

Of course it’s not as if you and the patient are ever in direct, open conflict with each other. But there are subtle “me versus you” ways of thinking that can creep into the dentist-patient dynamic and contaminate the process of working together toward the best outcome.

The dentist enters the operatory wanting the patient to recognize the need to take a specific course of action (and is maybe anticipating an unfavorable response from the patient). The patient wants to get out of the chair committing to as little future expense or potential discomfort as possible (and is maybe anticipating an unfavorable response from the dentist). The dentist and the patient have competing interests.

Except they don’t, really. Despite these cognitive biases you each bring to the situation, it always comes down to what is best for the patient. And it is the dentist’s role, as the leader in this situation, to always reinforce the “us versus the problem” approach to finding out how best to serve that over-riding imperative.

This is why you should never take a simple “no, thanks” for answer. It’s not a matter of pressuring patients; it’s a matter of finding solutions together. Ask follow-up questions: Is it because this diagnosis comes as a surprise? Is it the expense? Can we help you look at financing options? Would it help if we sequenced the treatment over time? Can I at least re-visit this idea with you during a future visit, since dental issues don’t get better on their own?

Whatever their response, remember that great dentistry should never be presented as a “take it or leave it” proposition. It’s something you work toward with patients by earning their trust and becoming their partner, by reassuring them that you are not the adversary who brings bad news—you are their greatest ally in their quest for better oral health.